Failure

Shalom God,

Sorry I haven't written for a while. I've been distracted by the possibility of failure. It's an overwhelming fear - the fear of failure. It's consuming. I've had a hard time focusing. While waiting to hear how I would be judged (for an appointment to a fellowship) I've called upon affirmations hoping that they would ease the blow should it come. I've told myself that I'm successful and good at what I do but that all seems to pale in comparison to the heaviness of the judgment of others.

I rarely put myself in these positions for this very reason. I've always known about myself that I don't handle rejection well. I guess I decided to take a risk this one time. I wonder how long it will be until I take that risk again.

At the end of the day, If I can just remember that I can be judged and still loved - I can fail at somethings and succeed at others. If I can just hold on to the knowledge that in Your eyes I am as perfect as I can be then perhaps the sting will hurt a little less.

Thank you for supporting me and sustaining me. Thank You for the strength that you give me in times of weakness and the humility You provide in times of glory. Thank You for the knowledge that the only judgment that counts is Yours.

Shabbat Shalom,
David