I Don't Blame You

Shalom God,

It's really too early in the morning to try and write to You coherently but as I leave my house to go to the Brain Tumor Society's Ride for Research I just wanted to remind You, and me, that I don't blame You.

This doesn't mean that I think our world is random and people die of brain tumors and other diseases and tragedies randomly - I believe, firmly, that You have a plan. I have no idea what that plan is and frankly, I'd be just as well off if You continued to keep it to Yourself. What I do know is that You guide everything and that includes my daughter and so many thousands and millions of others to their eternal lives. And I know that when You do so, You are mourning also.

So, it's not Your fault that we have disease in our world and I don't blame You for the bad things that happen. In my moments of strength I might cry out and ask You, "WHY?" Please understand that I don't really want the answer - just a compassionate ear to listen and a loving shoulder to cry on. You've taught me never to separate myself from my community. Sadly, the brain tumor world is now my community and so I must go to connect, to cry...to ask "why."

David

There was evening and there was morning, day one

Shalom God,

Somehow it seems perfectly appropriate to re-create my relationship with you through the written word since You are so prolific at Creating with Words. I have always been amazed at the power You have given us through words. The way we can help, hurt and heal all with a bunch of letters strung together.

You know that in my profession, well let's just say I use a lot of words. Okay, I talk too much. But every once in a while, You inspire me to say something inspiring. Every once in a while Your Words find their way through my lips (Hashem s'fatai tiftach...) and You give me the power to help and to heal. I'm so thankful for these opportunities to be Your vessel and hope that You'll give me more chances to speak and to create our world with You.

By the way, today I learned that one reason we have no specific ritual symbols on Shavuot is because the essence of Shavuot is not to do (shake the lulav, blow the shofar, light the Hannukiah or eat the matzah) but rather to not do. When we were at Mount Sinai, in the moment of You giving us Your Torah, we didn't have any fancy, shmanzy rituals to do. Our job in that moment was not to do but to Be, not to give but receive. I've learned that the rituals that we create to help focus our lives on You, sometimes get in the way of...You.

Today in shul, after completing my amidah, I stopped everything for a minute. I closed my book, stood under my tallit and just was, just waiting to receive whatever it was that You wanted to give me in that moment.

So I guess I should finish up today by saying, "thanks" for teaching me to just Be. Thanks for Shavuot and for the gift of knowing how to receive gifts. It is indeed, an art to know how to receive and to be taught by the world's Artisan is a humbling honor.

L'hit!

David