It's really too early in the morning to try and write to You coherently but as I leave my house to go to the Brain Tumor Society's Ride for Research I just wanted to remind You, and me, that I don't blame You.
This doesn't mean that I think our world is random and people die of brain tumors and other diseases and tragedies randomly - I believe, firmly, that You have a plan. I have no idea what that plan is and frankly, I'd be just as well off if You continued to keep it to Yourself. What I do know is that You guide everything and that includes my daughter and so many thousands and millions of others to their eternal lives. And I know that when You do so, You are mourning also.
So, it's not Your fault that we have disease in our world and I don't blame You for the bad things that happen. In my moments of strength I might cry out and ask You, "WHY?" Please understand that I don't really want the answer - just a compassionate ear to listen and a loving shoulder to cry on. You've taught me never to separate myself from my community. Sadly, the brain tumor world is now my community and so I must go to connect, to cry...to ask "why."
David
I hope you find comfort when you are in that community-- that you receive as much as I'm sure you give. I just read this post today-- although you wrote it a month ago, it was very fitting that I found it today. Today and I'm sure for most of this week, Daniel has swine flu--- he is miserable-- high fever, vomiting, exhausted and just sad. I was angry today--- hasn't this kid been through enough? Looking at him lying on the couch with the bucket and the blanket-- too familiar a scene-- just leave him alone already, I was thinking. Your post reminds me that cancer and disease saddens God, that God mourns the suffering of our children, that we can find comfort in Him and in community with others. I found comfort just now in your words here. Thank you.
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